I feel broken and empty, like every second is hard to breathe, like the pain will never end. I fell in love with a narcissist and thank God, had enough sense to leave. But it is not easy by any means. He lives right upstairs and I see him everyday, although we have no contact anymore. His stuff is still here and I cannot give it back. He has his big screen TV here still and I am keeping that, as a small compensation for all the hell he put me through. It seems like I will never escape the presence of him, although in some moments it feels ok again.

I never saw it coming.  This charming, seductive man who wined and dined me, even gave me a pendant with two open hearts and told me that if two hearts were open, love would find its way. But I didnt know he was a narcissist. Nor did I know what I was about to endure being his lady. We spent every moment together in the beginning.  He spoiled me constantly, an endless supply of gifts and champagne. So loving and attentive, so who wouldnt fall for that?  Then, after two months, some serious issues arose with us, with me. Life's problems began to disturb that honeymoon period, things werent as blissful as they had been. He began to withdraw, spending more time away from me and confusing the hell out of me. I missed him, when we had spent every day for the past two months together. so I would question him about it, sometimes yell at him because I didnt understand why he had changed. This made him withdraw even more, which caused me more hurt.

So now he is gone. He broke off contact with me altogether. No texts, no calls, turns away from me when we are close. Now it is adjusting to life without him, realizing that everything we had was a lie. And in no way can I reclaim it. There is no turning back and I have been good about not reacting to him since we stopped contact. I act indifferent, like he doesnt exist. And this is exactly what I am supposed to do. Appear calm, rational, and not feed his ego by acting depressed and sad or angry and upset.  This is exactly what he WANTS me to do. And he doesnt know that my heart has turned cold toward him. He doesnt know that I have reached the point of no return. Every day is a struggle to get some semblance of a life back and I am slowly gaining ground every day. I know that one day I wont even care but i still do. It is hard to act like you dont care when you really do. it goes against everything that I stand for. If you love someone, you are supposed to care. But knowing who he is and that he doesnt care, means that I have to adjust and change and get to the point of real indifference when I dont let him affect me at all.

I am embracing the pain and the loneliness and trying to make it through everyday, trying to get stronger.  Thanks for listening!