The Reasons that He will Never Change

June 2, 2013

It has been a week now since he has contacted me. Except for today when he texted to see if Jaden could go fishing. But I have cut him off, cut off my narcissistic supply, which I think has pissed him off.  I am turning my heart against him because all we had is a lie.  Nothing was real, no matter if I choose to believe that or not.  He is a liar and a manipulator and any contact with him now is detrimental.  I consider him as an enemy and now we see each other and we act like we never knew each other at all.  It goes against everything in my nature to not care. But I have to not care. Because he is incapable of not feeling anything along the lines of empathy or compassion.  If my feelings are hurt, that is what he wants--a constant source of narcissistic supply, which I refuse to give him.

I love him. I always will. My feelings were real. My love was real. But he was an illusion. He never had any intention of really loving me. He is incapable of loving anyone except himself.  Truth be told, he is an uncaring and unforgiving bastard.I have to realize that I didnt cause this nor did I see it coming.  But it is up to me what I do about it and I am done. He will not get anymore from me. I am used up. Let him go elsewhere or let him be alone.  I dont care anymore.  He is an unhappy person anyway.  My life will no longer be used as his personal maid service, or his doormat any longer.  He doesnt know this yet. But he will figure it out in time.  I have that on my side, that he still thinks I am here, pining away for him, waiting for him to return to his bs, to his manipulations, to his games. But little does he know that the tables have turned. I have reached the point of no return, and I am respecting the no contact rule and not texting him or calling him at all.  No matter what I try to do, I will never convince him that I am right, that he is the one who broke the relationship apart, nor that he is a complete narcissist.  I will never get an apology nor an explanation for what he has done, nor closure of any kind. I have to provide that for myself and I am on my way to becoming like that.

I feel like if I provoke him now , that he will get aggressive and perhaps violent.  i dont want that so i will leave him alone.  I see him now for what he is, and I dont even want to know him anymore. I wish that I could love him and change him, but I am fighting a losing battle.